Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
