my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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