we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
