So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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