Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
