it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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