Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
