Plan B is the new Plan A
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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