I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found a bag of teeth...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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