how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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