pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the condom got lost in my hair
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
