I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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