Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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