Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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