Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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