i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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