If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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