What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Even my vagina gasped.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
