Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
