Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
