I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
