So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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