I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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