direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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