I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
