I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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