So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
