Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
