matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
