Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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