That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
