What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
