you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
