Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
