Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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