One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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