Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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