so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
