Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
