I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
