So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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