Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
