he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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