I'm lost and stupid without you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
