so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
