Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
