Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
