reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
