Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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