is your mom at the bar?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
