My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
