$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
